Right now, I am in the middle of reading the book, "For Better: The Science Of A Good Marriage," by Tara Parker-Pope. While I am not yet married, I am completely fascinated by the dynamics of intimate relationships and I am always looking for ways to improve both the relationships that I do have currently as well as the ones that I shall have in the future. The first few chapters of the book are very interesting, focusing on social trends, relationship myths, and the biochemistry of attraction. At the end of Chapter 3, Parker-Pope presents a Love Scale Quiz designed by Dr. Hatkoff. The quiz consists of 50 True/False questions that can help you determine which "Love Styles" are dominant in your approach to relationships.
Typically, in a relationship, we judge our lover's action based on our own preferred love styles; however, this can lead to misunderstandings and resentment if your lover's tendencies do not align with your own. Understanding the love style of your partner can be a crucial aspect of relational satisfaction because it can help you to properly evaluate the meaning and the intent of your lover's actions. And, it is only after you understand the intent of your lover that can you truly understand how they feel about you.
The Love Scale quiz measures your tendency towards the following six Love Styles:
- Romantic - Marked by passion and sexual attraction.
- Best Friends - Marked by feelings of deep affection and caring.
- Logical - When practical issues like money, religion, and values influence feelings.
- Playful - Marked by the excitement of flirtatious and challenging interactions.
- Possessive - Marked by feelings of jealousy and obsession.
- Unselfish - Marked by nurturing, kindness, and sacrifice.
Not only was I curious to find out what my particular love style tendencies are, I thought this would be a fun thing to build in ColdFusion. As such, I took the 50 True/False questions outlined in the "For Better" book and created a ColdFusion-powered quiz that you can take for yourself:
After building the quiz in ColdFusion, I took it myself and got the following results:
- Romantic (4 True) - Marked by passion and sexual attraction.
- Logical (4 True) - When practical issues like money, religion, and values influence feelings.
- Playful (4 True) - Marked by the excitement of flirtatious and challenging interactions.
- Unselfish (4 True)
- Possessive (3 True)
- Best Friends (2 True)
To be honest, these results feel a little unsettling. I don't seem to be dominant in any particular Love Style. In fact, I have a 4-way tie for my most dominant love style, answering True less than 50% of the time in every single category. I wonder what that means about me? When you take the test, you don't know what style any particular question belongs to; as such, I don't think I had any pre-existing bias of what styles I wanted to present.
Maybe it just means that I am level headed, bringing the good aspects of each category into my relationship behaviors? Of course, the point of the quiz is not to determine good or bad; rather, it is simply to generate understanding, both of your own love style as well as that of your lover. Because, it only through understanding that we can properly evaluate our lover's action as well as play towards their needs as dictated by their love style tendencies. In any case, "For Better" is proving to be an interesting book that I am sure I will discuss further upon its completion.