Life After Dog
I never wanted a dog — I wanted a simple life. My wife was the one who wanted a dog. And so we got a dog. "Lucy" was the reject. They kept her in the back of a pet store in Chelsea and only brought her out when someone asked for a Yorkie. My wife fell instantly in love. But had to spend 20 minutes convincing me that this was the one. And so, on August 24, 2012 at 6pm, I became a dog person.
Everyone said, "You have to crate-train the dog". And we tried. Briefly. The first night that Lucy came back to our basement apartment on 15th street in Manhattan, she started off in a pen across the room. This lasted about 10 minutes before our little drama queen turned on the water-works. So I moved her pen next to the bed and tried to sleep with my arm hanging down next to her. Ten minutes after that, she was snuggling between us under the covers.
And for the next 13 years, this is how we existed in the world. Lucy became the furry sun around which our universe revolved. Our conversations became about Lucy (and her poo quality). Our schedules became about Lucy. Our vacations became about Lucy. Our weekend plans became about Lucy. We stayed in hotels that had pet policies and we moved to homes where Lucy could have more space to run. The first and last thing we did every day was care for this dog.
And I fell so hard. I loved this little creature in a way that I didn't know I could. And now that she's gone, I ache in a way that I didn't know was possible. When I sob, I make noises that are unrecognizable. My whole body feels like it's inside-out. I am both overwhelmed and also completely empty.
The truth is, I don't know what my life looks like without her. I don't know what my day looks like without her. I don't even know what my marriage looks like without her. She was our everything. And now that she's gone, we are forced to rebuild our existence back up from nothing.
These photos were taken on her last nighttime walk. The light was stunning. The temperature was perfect. We gave her the best weekend that we could and we stuffed her face with all the treats. We had a vet appointment scheduled for this morning; but, yesterday, she told us that she was ready. Her organs were failing her, but she wasn't in any pain. And in her last moments, she was comfortable and surrounded by all the love.
Reader Comments
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know how hard it is to lose a beloved pet. They bring so much joy into our lives. It takes a lot of selflessness and love to let them go when it is time. I wish you both the best. ❤️
I am so sad for you both. It's one of the hardest things ever to lose a dog, even more so when it's a dog as special as Lucy.
So sorry for your loss, Ben. I know how it feels, how hard it is. I won't say it gets better, but it gets easier to bear, given enough time.
Lucy was such a tiny girl with a big personality. I loved her. I'm heartbroken for you and MK. If there is a heaven it's filled with dogs, cats and other animals and Lulu is barking at them all.
It's hard when you lose a loved one in your family. Especially when you have to make that decision.
All the best.
I can not imagine how hard a time this is for you and Ben. Thank you for sharing your beautifully written story of your life with Lucy. Sending peace and love, rest in peace Lucy.😢😘
Struggling to find adequate words to convey my sadness at the passing of Lucy. She was a huge personality for such a tiny little girl, that filled your hearts and home with an immense and unmeasurable love. I can't imagine the depths of your grief right now as you navigate this heartbreaking time. I pray she is running free in the rainbow bridge meadows, reunited with Vito and where Ginny, Lola and Chloe will also have welcomed her.
They truly change us in so many ways. Lucy could never have found better humans who gave her such an incredible life.
Thinking of you both and sending much love at this sad time.
Sheena
Ben, so sorry to hear about your loss. God bless.
Very sorry to hear of the loss of your furbaby. We have a term in dogdom of "heart" dogs, those extra-special pups that steal a piece of your heart and take it with them when they pass. Mine was my beloved and amazing sheltie Taz, I had many other dogs but none that was as special as he was or that I still think about almost every day. Sounds like Lucy was very much your heart dog.
So sorry Ben. They come into your life in a big way or a small way. Our first dog was a Cockapoo named Brandy. She was given to us as a house warming gift from some very close friends because we showed a slight interest at a friends house who was fostering her. Neither of us wanted a dog. We had a cat. And that's how it started, pre-kids. Needless to say she broke all of us when she passed 12 years later. Since then we've only had rescues. Our cat Ollie (Tiger Cat), Zoey (insane white husky), and Riley (laid back, black water spaniel) have since come and gone, but all had a huge impact. Our current rescues (Suki, chill white husky and Ziva chill black boxer/lab mix) can never replace those we've lost, but we're still trying to decide who rescued who. You say you weren't a dog person before (neither were we), but once you've had one, there's no going back. I mean you can, but eventually those heartstrings begin to tug and sooner or later, another finds it's way into your life (usually two, lol)? You'll get through this, it will be ruff going for sure, but hey, it's 2025, what isn't rough?
I had to go through the same thing with our dog earlier this year. She was also about the same age.
I can relate very well and it feels weird and uncomfortable to say, but yes, it gets better. The positive memories stick around and the sadness that accompanies them sometimes shows itself more clearly to be the love that doesn't know where it should go.
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